Constantly Changing

What’s your perspective on change? Are you an “I hate change” person? Or do you roll with the tides?

I was once an “I hate change” person. But my thoughts about “change” have, well…changed.

I realized that I don't truly hate change, but I feel uncomfortable and sometimes unsettled when the change that occurs is not one I was wanting or expecting.

As I write this, it is once again springtime on our small farm. And I love the transition from winter to spring. Trees are budding, flowers are blooming, the temperatures are getting warmer, the sun is staying up longer in the evenings. It's truly delightful! 

These are changes I want. They're changes I expect. They're changes I look forward to. So, I don't really hate change at all.

Without change, we wouldn't have springtime. We wouldn't have butterflies. We wouldn't have ocean tides. We wouldn't have growth…yes, I’m referring to trees and flowers, but I also mean internal growth…mental, emotional, and spiritual growth.

Change is constant. 

And when I shift my perspective of change, I realize that change is not only constant but also very needed. I don't want to stay where I am mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. I want to continue to grow and change.

But the changes that I'm not expecting or not wanting are uncomfortable and sometimes downright scary. And more often than not, change that I don't want or don't expect can also be painful.

So, what do we do with the unexpected, unwanted changes? 

Rather than continuing to read the rest of this blog post, I encourage you to take a moment and reflect on that question. What have you done with unexpected, unwanted changes? What has gotten attached to those changes? What are you believing about yourself, others, and/or God, because of these unexpected unwanted changes? What beliefs have formed that feel true?

Take a moment - or several - and reflect on those questions about how you've navigated change in the past. And then come back to read the rest of this post.

I thought I'd share some helpful things I've chosen when unexpected, unwanted changes have occurred. Please know I offer these as suggestions, and they are by no means prescriptive:

• Feel your feelings

  • You’re more than allowed to not like how an unexpected, unwanted change feels. Grief and mourning often accompany change (even the kinds of changes we want). Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Acknowledge the emotions that rise up. 

  • Give yourself time to navigate those emotions. Shoving them down and ignoring them only prolongs this process.

  • Sadness, anger, and disappointment are often emotions we don’t want to engage with, but those emotions make sense in situations where a change that you didn’t want or don’t like has occurred. Feel them and move through them. Don’t stay stuck there.

  • Talk with someone you trust about these emotions and how the unexpected, unwanted changes are affecting you.

• Allow yourself time and space to adjust

  • When change occurs, one of the best things you can do for your mental and emotional health is to recognize that this is a new place/situation, and new can often feel scary or unsettling. 

  • As time passes and as we gain more experiences - notice I said experiences, not experience - what once felt new (and scary or unsettling) becomes more familiar.

  • This new place/situation won’t always feel frightening or difficult or uncomfortable. You will adjust, but it takes time. Be kind to yourself in the process.

• Engage with others - you're not alone (even if it feels like you are) 

  • One of the most common lies we believe is, “I’m the only one/I’m all alone.” One that usually comes along with that or follows closely behind is, “No one understands.” Notice I said those are lies.

  • You have people in your corner. Talk with them. Invite them into the situation and how you’re feeling. Often, those who aren’t so close to the situation can offer a different viewpoint that allows us to see ourselves and the circumstances more clearly.

  • At times, just being around others is helpful. You don’t always have to talk about the situation. Sometimes, we need a break from the difficult. But be aware that you’re not falling into “stuffing” or ignoring your emotions.

When navigating an unexpected, unwanted change seems overwhelming, find moments in your day to focus on things in your life that are steady and help you feel grounded. Think about the kinds of changes you do want and look forward to. Focus on the emotions these desired changes bring up, and then - in small doses that feel manageable - bring those emotions with you to the unexpected, unwanted changes. And remember it won’t stay new and uncomfortable. This new situation, too, will change.

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If you’d like to talk more about navigating change, send me an email or schedule some one-on-one time with me. And consider subscribing to my blog where I post lots of helpful suggestions on how you can begin (and continue) this journey of recovering your blueprint!