Originally a "Carolina" girl, Jenny has been based in Northern VA since 2006. After almost 10 years on the mission field, serving around the world, Jenny settled full-time in the area and began serving local nonprofits in 2013. She recently accepted the offer of Executive Director at Loudoun Cares and is looking forward to the challenge of this new role. Jenny is blessed beyond measure to be wife to Dr. Michael Tomlinson Jr., bonus mom to Ruth & Twyla, and mama to the couple's son, Bennett. Their family is also blessed with three babes in heaven. Team Tomlinson resides in Reston and attends Trinity Presbyterian Church.
Self-care, one of the big trends of the decade. It’s something everyone likes to talk about, but very few master the art of it. Tune in to any social media platform, and you will find a guru of self-care telling you to make a simple change and all your woes will disappear. These “experts” tell you what works, and then they have the audacity to show you a glimpse into their perfect lives because of their self-care…perfectly organized in their perfectly decorated homes, with their perfect children running through the shot, and don’t forget the perfect partner who is always ready to give 110% to ensure the counters are clean and you have had time to get your nails done!
We know the truth, that behind this image being presented, there have been multiple meltdowns from those kiddos, the partner is AWOL in the moment you really need them, the ONLY section of counter clean is the one that makes it into the video, and the organization is really just opening up the drawer and shoveling the excess in.
But, in spite of the reality behind the image – the message is still true! Self-care is crucial for our health, for our wellbeing, for our relationships…when we are taking a little time to care for ourselves, we find the ripples reaching into every aspect of our lives. I can hear you now: I get that it’s important to do, but where do I begin? Where will I find the time? It’s easy for us to get caught up in comparison, envy and ultimately, bitterness – to think that self-care for the singleton has to come easier than for those who are married or to blame the kids and their needs for the lack of personal prioritization.
The TRUTH is that self-care starts with our heart. The posture of our hearts towards ourselves and our own worth is the root determining whether we will seek to care for ourselves or if we will prioritize everything and everyone above our own needs.
When we begin to know and OWN our worth, we allow ourselves to want to care for our bodies, minds, and spirits. We are able to share with loved ones where we need help, when we need a break, and how they can love us well! I struggled well into my 30’s with the belief that I was lazy – so, to prove that was not the case - I worked harder and longer than was healthy, I invested more of myself, my worth, and my time in my work…in order to ensure no one would think me lazy. After years of that being the “mantra” inside my head, I found myself exhausted, depressed, and lonely. I had forfeited relationships and rest in hopes of managing others’ (& my own) ideas of me.
We all know how well that worked! When I began to believe my value is above the sparrows (Matthew 10:31) and that I was chosen to bear fruit (John 15:16), I understood the basic idea that fruit cannot occur unless the source is watered. I figured out routines and boundaries that helped me care for myself. I was really good at holding space for friends, family, and work, but I learned to include myself in that and hold space for me, too. Some of my personal care looked like listening to an audiobook while running errands. I got a membership to Massage Envy and would save credits to have a 90 minute massage every few months. Most importantly, I sought community and further personal healing because I knew I was worthy of it.
Today, if you looked at my life, you would ask why in the world I was asked to write about self-care. In all honesty, I was asked to write this blog last October…it’s now June. I am married, with two elementary bonus babes, and a one year old boy who keeps me running and constantly on high alert as he learns to run, climb, and adventure fearlessly. I also work full time for a local nonprofit with only two full time employees for our organization. We manage multiple grants and government contracts in human services. My work, because we are serving people in crisis, is always time sensitive. The job does not recognize weekends, family time, or federal holidays! And don’t get me started on the laundry, meal prep, grocery shopping, bathroom cleaning, and more. You could say I am currently in a survival season. Those seasons will come, BUT they can go, too!
I am tired, I am always busy, there is always something else that needs to be done. In these seasons, I know it is up to me to make the space where I can – my husband gets up with our son a few times a week so I can catch a few extra Z’s OR just lay in my bed without a toddler using me as a jungle gym. He also helps with cooking (a task that brings him life – he loves to cook), and I use my voice to ask him for things when I need them. We worked through which chores would be most helpful, and he has a list that’s taped to the wall by his computer. I reach out to friends, and we work to schedule a meet up at least once a quarter to encourage and listen to one another. I have, with discussion with my boss and my husband, established boundaries around work and how/when I am available to respond to calls and emails. My son won’t always be an accident-prone toddler, our organization will hire more employees eventually, perhaps one day the budget will give space for someone to come to the house and clean occasionally!
But, until then, I have to remember WHO I AM and that I AM WORTHY OF LOVE, CARE, and KINDNESS!
Check back next week for some of Jenny’s favorite self-care practices that have not only benefited her heart and mind but could also benefit yours!
If you’d like to get a jump on determining what self-care practices would work best for you, feel free to send me an email or schedule one-on-one time with me. And consider subscribing to my blog where I post lots of helpful suggestions on how you can begin (and continue) this journey of recovering your blueprint!
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