Breaking unhealthy patterns of behavior and thinking is an excellent way to return to the blueprint. Inviting God into our past is necessary for healing, but if we stop there, we miss out on so much! God also wants to be invited into our present and future circumstances. Even more healing and transformation is available to each of us when we partner with God.
The idea of partnering with God may be second nature for some of you. For others, like me, it may be an idea that has come about more slowly. The more my relationship with God develops, the more I realize that while my perspective of “God as authority figure” is good and right and true, it’s not where it ends! Again, for some of you, this is nothing new, but for others - like me - this is a revolutionary thought!
An old pattern of mine is “I make bad decisions.” The details involved in how that pattern developed is a story for another time, but this lie has had quite a tight grip on me for most of my life.
Countless times, I’ve invited God to redefine what making decisions looks like for me. He’s revealed memories and situations where I’ve believed I made a “bad decision.” His truth points me in the right direction each time, and so, I’m getting better at making decisions. I don’t as often feel paralyzed by “choosing incorrectly,” but my time with God about a month prior to writing this revealed that I’m not as aware of the lingering effects of my indecision as I thought I was. God uncovered a deeper layer of healing and understanding about this pattern and how it has affected my relationship with Him.
As I was making several choices about something important, indecision crept in. Each time I thought about the choices, possible outcomes, and those who might be affected, I noticed the old pattern popping up.
I wanted to involve God in the process, and involving God was the best decision I could make. But what was especially sneaky about how indecision was showing up in this particular moment was that it ever so slightly shifted my desire away from inviting God into the process and instead held me captive with the thought, “You’re going to screw this up, so don’t even try.”
I was so afraid I’d choose incorrectly, that I abdicated any decision making and just wanted God to tell me what to do. Instead of inviting God into the process and partnering with Him, I was waiting for God to give me a to-do list. Please do not misunderstand me - waiting for God’s direction is never a bad decision! But I had gone one step further (or more like 15 steps further) and resorted to making zero decisions.
In addition to indecision showing up, passivity decided to come along as well. I wasn’t fully aware of it at the time, but I just wanted God to tell me what to do so that none of the responsibility of outcomes would be mine. That way, if things went poorly, it couldn’t be my fault.
That’s not partnering with God. That’s not the kind of relationship I want with God.
My fear of making a “bad decision” had convinced me that choosing nothing was the better option. It's as though I viewed myself as an employee, and I was waiting for my "boss" to tell me what to do. As part of redefining this for me, God reminded me of an example of how our relationship with Him can progress (John Eldredge - https://wildatheart.org/):
I felt like I was somewhere between the "Servant & Master" and “Children & Father” stages with God, so at least I had progressed beyond inanimate objects and animals! But it was the kind of relationship where, rather than experiencing a closeness with God, I was anticipating Him telling me what to do. God’s focus is always on connection, and He continually invites us into a more intimate relationship with Him. As much as I desired that, I almost without thinking settled for “just tell me what to do, God.” The old pattern “I make bad decisions” and the various ways it has affected me for so many years is just one way my blueprint has been distorted.
Thankfully, God kindly steered my thoughts back in the direction of my blueprint. He brought to mind a detail about my relationship with my husband. When Jon and I do things together (“fun stuff" like when we’re on vacation or “around the farm stuff" - which is still fun), we do those things together. Neither of us waits for the other to dictate a to-do list. There is an exchange of ideas. Jon and I partner in what we do - whether it’s “fun” things or more “everyday” things. That’s how connection works. That’s how healthy relationships work.
Each of us has had experiences that have affected our behaviors, thoughts, and beliefs, and we've lost track of the blueprint. God is inviting you into deeper connection with Him. Take some time this week to partner with God to uncover more of your original design. Be curious about what it could look like to move with Him in the direction of returning to your blueprint.
Not sure how to do this on your own? Feel free to send me an email or click here to schedule a one-on-one session. And consider subscribing to my blog, where I post lots of helpful suggestions on how you can begin (and continue) this journey of recovering your blueprint!
Commenti