This week's blog is written by my favorite person - Jon Ackerman. For those of you who don't know us very well, I'm also married to him! Jon is the Director of Spiritual Development, Freedom Ministry, and Men’s Ministry at Christian Fellowship Church. He - and two of the pastors on staff - recently recorded a podcast about Advent. This guest blog post is part of what Jon shared on the podcast about love. If you’d like to check out the entire podcast episode, click here!
There are a few things that we’re constantly in search of, and particularly at this time of year: hope, peace, joy, and love.
When we talk about love, though, the English language can be a little frustrating in expressing all the different things we mean by that word. Loving an outfit, a child, a movie, a friend, a sports team, and a romantic partner all make use of the same word but surely can’t mean the same thing, right?
C.S. Lewis, a student of the Greek language that shaped much of the thoughts for Western civilization and Christian theology, really helped me put words to the different kinds of love we all experience. (Check out his book, The Four Loves, for the full experience.) Here’s the summary version:
Storge is familial love – the closeness of family affection and multi-generational connection.
Philia is brotherly love – the enjoyment that comes from shared experiences and laughter amongst good friends.
Eros is romantic love – the passionate delight and commitment we feel towards those who enflame our heart.
And then there is agape love. And agape love is a game-changer.
Agape love is divine love. This kind of love transcends human emotions and is rooted in the will and character of God. This type of love is characterized by a commitment to the well-being of others, regardless of personal cost or reciprocation.
If you’ve heard of this type of love before, you’ve probably heard the invitation to love other people this same way. But before we get to that – and we will – here’s another invitation to consider as we all seek deeply satisfying love this season.
How often do you experience agape love?
Not just understand its existence. Not just think about what it means.
Experience it. Receive it.
Agape love is God’s love for you…characterized by His commitment to your well-being regardless of personal cost to Himself or reciprocation by you.
And I know for many people – myself included – there were times that the realities of life caused that previous sentence to feel hollow, tone-deaf, or even downright abusive. The pain is real.
But so is agape love. And agape love has the ability to fill the hollowness if we let it. It has the ability to give us new ears with which to hear the words of love that have always been spoken. It can heal the worst of what life and the decisions of others have inflicted on our hearts.
When we experience agape love, it changes everything.
Including how we love others.
Having experienced that kind of love, you can’t help but love others differently. Or better said, because of that love, you can’t help but start to love others that same way. Not just romantically, not just brotherly, not just familialy…but with a transcendent love. A love that transcends whatever you thought might be your maximum capability to love. A love that transcends your understanding of patience, delight, forgiveness, endurance, and generosity. A love that brings out the best version of you by offering it and the best version of the other by receiving it.
Even having experienced it for ourselves, offering that kind of love requires effort and self-sacrifice, particularly at times when we feel ill-equipped or the intended recipient feels undeserving. At times like that, we may have been reminded that “love is more than a feeling,” – meaning we should be loving even when we don’t feel loving. And while there may be some truth to that as a short-term bridge, it’s important to remember that agape love transcends human emotion.
Transcendence doesn’t skip or bypass. Transcendence exceeds the range or limit of – it moves through, not around. Agape love is not absent the feeling of love. Agape love includes the feeling of love, even as it is actionable.
We cannot love without loving.
We can’t grow in love without feeling love.
And…love is more than a feeling.
Loving God does not just mean believing or obeying…it means being loved and loving.
Loving others does not just mean serving them and meeting their needs…it means feeling love for them.
Love desires the expansion of the one it loves.
Love desires the development, the improvement, and the growth of the one it loves.
Love desires the delight of the one it loves.
Love desires to go and seek after the one it loves. Love is willing to go and risk for the one it loves. Love desires to sacrifice for the one it loves, not just because I’m supposed to but because I feel love for the one I love.
Because I am loved.
If you’d like to talk more about receiving and offering agape love, send me an email or schedule some one-on-one time with me. And consider subscribing to my blog where I post lots of helpful suggestions on how you can begin (and continue) this journey of recovering your blueprint!
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