Brooke Jones is a middle school youth pastor at Christian Fellowship Church and mother to sweet two-year-old Reagan. Her passions are making shirts, spending time with friends, and building relationships with students. A motto she lives by is: be present, show up, and love others.
Motherhood.
Motherhood is waking up and your hair looks perfect. Motherhood is your baby never having a tantrum. Motherhood is making a beautiful apple pie and then sitting for five minutes in silence. Motherhood is when you're happy all the time. Motherhood is getting a full eight hours of sleep. Motherhood is natural, and you have all the right answers. Motherhood is matching outfits from head to toe with your baby.
Sometimes. But also…
Motherhood is not remembering the last time you showered or ate. Motherhood is enjoying the five minutes of silence, and so three loads of laundry have turned into 17 loads. Motherhood is crying because you don’t know why your baby is crying. Motherhood is having to leave the restaurant before your food comes because your baby won’t stop screaming. Motherhood is, “Is that milk or vomit in my hair?” Motherhood is having social media remind you that you don’t have it all together.
Motherhood is hard.
You feel like sometimes you can’t even take care of yourself, let alone another human. Also, this human does not come home with a user manual, so you are learning everything for the first time, and you pray you don’t mess up because people will tell you when you do.
The Barbie movie came out a little while ago, and there is a scene in the movie where a character talks about being a woman and how hard it is to balance it “all.” This scene always makes me shed a tear because it is so unfortunately true.
It often feels impossible to be a woman, let alone a mother.
Being a mother is the best job. Being a mother is a beautiful thing. Being a mother is such a gift. But the second I became a mother, I often put everyone and everything before myself.
“Mom guilt” is hard, too. You feel as though you are doing too much or too little. You sit down for five seconds and think about all the things that you should be doing. Doing things for yourself is often difficult but so important.
When I became a mother, I really had a hard time finding something for me because I had waited so long to finally be a mom that I didn’t want to miss out on anything. I didn’t want to be ungrateful about having vomit in my hair because “my little blessing” did that. I didn’t want to think negatively about something I craved and once screamed in anger to God that I didn’t have.
I realized that I was enjoying this precious and amazing gift, but my perspective was also becoming unhealthy. Being a mother is exhausting, and after a while, even though I was telling myself to be grateful and enjoy every moment, I ran out of energy for myself, my baby, my husband, everything. Do you also see yourself in this description?
Is it possible to find more of a balance?
Where to begin?
Something that worked for me – no pun intended – was baby steps. When you start to create time for yourself, it might take baby steps. Your baby needs you, but you can begin to lose your sense of who you are. Taking baby steps can help you remember.
Here are some ideas that helped me:
Start with 10 minutes.
Start with watching one TV show.
Start with going on a drive through the neighborhood.
Start by taking a walk - alone.
Go when your child is sleeping if you’re feeling like you’re “missing out” on spending time with them.
I not only had to learn to take time for myself, but it was also something I realized I needed. Once I made time for myself, I was the mother my child needed and the wife my husband needed.
Motherhood is hard but not impossible. We are strong women. We are created for this.
I also remind myself that I can do this, even when I doubt myself, even when the day is hard. I am a mother.
I encourage you to do something for you. Do something you love. Put yourself first. Care for yourself, so you can be the healthiest version of you and so that’s who you are in the relationships you care so much about.
If choosing to take care of yourself is a new idea for you or if you’d like help navigating the self-care journey you’ve already started, send me an email or schedule one-on-one time with me. And consider subscribing to my blog where I post lots of helpful suggestions on how you can begin (and continue) this journey of recovering your blueprint!
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