Several months ago, in a blog post entitled A Shift in Perspective, I wrote about the idea that words matter. Words can create reality, and if words have been misused, they can construct a false reality - which develops into unhealthy thought patterns and beliefs. Living in a false reality can eventually paralyze us because we believe things like I guess this is just the way I am or This is the way it’ll always be.
In the past several years, I’ve realized many things I’ve believed about myself are so far from true. A number of these beliefs took root at such a young age that I never knew a time without them and didn’t know any other way of thinking about myself.
Thankfully, things have changed. More accurately, I should say things are changing. My thoughts and beliefs about myself are changing. I am changing! It is a process.
One way a false reality has existed more recently in my life grew from words I was saying about myself and to myself. In my attempts to keep track of several thoughts in my head at once, I mentally reminded myself of the tasks I needed to accomplish or the things I needed to take care of in a day. My words to myself sounded something like: “Don’t forget to switch the clothes from the washing machine to the dryer” or “Don’t forget to get back to (insert friend’s name) about dinner plans.”
Do you know what would often happen? I’d forget to do the things I was trying so hard to not forget! And when I’d forget things, my thoughts and words toward myself were nowhere in the vicinity of kind or gracious. With seemingly no effort, words like You’re such an idiot! or I can’t believe you did that again! immediately popped into my mind.
God got my attention after one of these moments by asking me a very simple question: Would you talk to Jon (my husband) or anyone else you care about that way? Before my answer completely formed in my mind (which was No! Of course not!), God said: Then why are you talking to yourself that way?
In addition to God’s very kind words to me, the wise words of a mentor also came to mind: You can’t give what you don’t have. It was easy to believe that even though I was critical of myself, I’d be gracious to others. But the reality is, I’m only able to extend the amount of grace to others that I’m willing to extend to myself.
One of the things that has helped is so simple and has been so easy to implement. My husband suggested I change “Don’t forget” to “I’ll remember.” I know it sounds simple (because it is), and I know it sounds “too easy” (it has and hasn’t been), but it has been tremendously helpful.
I wish it had been an immediate 180-degree switch for me. I wish I could say I’m no longer critical of myself. But as I said before, it’s a process, and I’m much more aware of my words and thoughts toward myself than I once was.
My words are changing.
My thoughts are changing.
And so, my beliefs about myself are changing.
Take some time to examine your words and thoughts about yourself, ask a trusted friend for help, invite God into the process, or contact me. I’d love to walk through this with you. Please feel free to send me an email or schedule some one-on-one time with me. And consider subscribing to my blog, where I post lots of helpful suggestions on how you can begin (and continue) this journey of recovering your blueprint!
Comments